1st Grade Sinner

I've always been a goody two shoes.

There. I admitted it. Even from a young age, I hated getting into trouble.

I distinctly remember getting sent to sign the log book (a lengthy record of all the evil pencil stabbing and gum chewing felons) in Mrs Hailey's 1st grade class for talking while in line. The only problem was that I wasn't the one talking! It was another girl! To my first grader self, I may as well have been given a life-sentence. I was horrified.

As lame and as boring as it might be, I've always hated the feeling of doing something I know I'm not supposed to do. Not that I haven't made my fair share of bad decisions- that's just a part of growing up- I just don't want anyone to know about them. ;)

Tonight, I watched the movie Crazy Heart, with Jeff Bridges. In the film, Bridges' character Bad is a washed up country singer with a taste for the drink. He's wasted his entire life and lost so much because of his poor life choices.

Watching the character's life spiral out of control, I found myself cringing as I saw him make one terrible choice after another. Have that fifth glass, sleep with that random girl, lose everything that matters. I kept wanting to shout out to him, "Hey! Idiot! Can't you see what's happening?! You're ruining your life!"

But then the reality came crashing in on me.

I think I'm above all that.

Maybe I don't have a problem with addiction. Maybe I make outwardly wise choices for my life. But secretly, I am dealing with just as much sin as the next person. And, maybe the fact that it's all too often a secret makes it even worse.

Thankfully, just as Bad found his redemption in love, so have I.

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." 1 Timothy 1:15

To being a 1st grade sinner that's loved anyways.

The Life of a Christian Atheist

So I just finished "The Christian Atheist" by Craig Groeschel. I think the tagline sums it up pretty well... Believing in God but living as if He doesn't exist.

Each chapter confronts one facet of life in which Christians and un-believers alike live according to their own rules, utterly oblivious to the existence of The One.

As much as I'd like to believe that this story isn't mine, having been a follower of Christ for 17 years now, I must admit that I found reflections of my own thoughts, choices, and behaviors present in every chapter. More often than not, I live like I am the One. I know what's best. I am the center of my universe. And for someone who claims to want a life that is different, a life that is extraordinary, I am ashamed to admit how often I choose to live like God doesn't exist. I believe, just care too much about me.

I want to move into a life that shows in every way I believe in God and Christ's gospel enough to give my full life to it. So here are the titles of each chapter that I am committing to working on.

- When you believe in God but not in prayer.
- When you believe in God but still worry all the time.
- When you believe in God but pursue happiness at any cost.
- When you believe in God but trust more in money.

Read the book. Ask God to show you the areas you haven't yet released to Him. Push beyond the norm.