In the Deep

(A recap from my Worship, Theology, and Arts class with Dr. Barry Taylor.)

What we know is always outweighed by what we don’t know. If we are willing to be the pupil, there is always something new to learn.

A life of faith is meant to open us up and make us bigger people, and yet all too often we have a tendency to narrow when we should expand. Ideas or philosophies that challenge our predetermined set of life values are often tossed by the wayside or pushed into dark corner recesses to be decidedly ignored.

Thankfully, life itself has a natural way of challenging and forcing us to learn how to open back up once again.

We all start faith journeys in shallow waters. When the water is at your ankles or at your knees, you’re still in charge. You feel the ground solidly beneath your feet. But as life goes on and you push out into the deep you begin to fully encounter the force of what you’re getting into. And when you can no longer touch the bottom, and you've lost all control, it breaks you down.

Such is our concepts of faith. As we move along we realize just how much we don’t know, and how it’s the things we don’t yet know that really matter. Each new step on our journey is about moving away from the overconfidence of shallowness, and instead swimming in the deep waters that are rich with things we cannot always comprehend.

1st Grade Sinner

I've always been a goody two shoes.

There. I admitted it. Even from a young age, I hated getting into trouble.

I distinctly remember getting sent to sign the log book (a lengthy record of all the evil pencil stabbing and gum chewing felons) in Mrs Hailey's 1st grade class for talking while in line. The only problem was that I wasn't the one talking! It was another girl! To my first grader self, I may as well have been given a life-sentence. I was horrified.

As lame and as boring as it might be, I've always hated the feeling of doing something I know I'm not supposed to do. Not that I haven't made my fair share of bad decisions- that's just a part of growing up- I just don't want anyone to know about them. ;)

Tonight, I watched the movie Crazy Heart, with Jeff Bridges. In the film, Bridges' character Bad is a washed up country singer with a taste for the drink. He's wasted his entire life and lost so much because of his poor life choices.

Watching the character's life spiral out of control, I found myself cringing as I saw him make one terrible choice after another. Have that fifth glass, sleep with that random girl, lose everything that matters. I kept wanting to shout out to him, "Hey! Idiot! Can't you see what's happening?! You're ruining your life!"

But then the reality came crashing in on me.

I think I'm above all that.

Maybe I don't have a problem with addiction. Maybe I make outwardly wise choices for my life. But secretly, I am dealing with just as much sin as the next person. And, maybe the fact that it's all too often a secret makes it even worse.

Thankfully, just as Bad found his redemption in love, so have I.

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." 1 Timothy 1:15

To being a 1st grade sinner that's loved anyways.

The Life of a Christian Atheist

So I just finished "The Christian Atheist" by Craig Groeschel. I think the tagline sums it up pretty well... Believing in God but living as if He doesn't exist.

Each chapter confronts one facet of life in which Christians and un-believers alike live according to their own rules, utterly oblivious to the existence of The One.

As much as I'd like to believe that this story isn't mine, having been a follower of Christ for 17 years now, I must admit that I found reflections of my own thoughts, choices, and behaviors present in every chapter. More often than not, I live like I am the One. I know what's best. I am the center of my universe. And for someone who claims to want a life that is different, a life that is extraordinary, I am ashamed to admit how often I choose to live like God doesn't exist. I believe, just care too much about me.

I want to move into a life that shows in every way I believe in God and Christ's gospel enough to give my full life to it. So here are the titles of each chapter that I am committing to working on.

- When you believe in God but not in prayer.
- When you believe in God but still worry all the time.
- When you believe in God but pursue happiness at any cost.
- When you believe in God but trust more in money.

Read the book. Ask God to show you the areas you haven't yet released to Him. Push beyond the norm.

10 Lessons, 10 Quotes

10 Lessons, 10 Quotes

As one chapter in my life comes to a close and a new one begins, I feel like a reflection on the past few years as a campus minister is important. And, how better to express these lessons learned than through quotes from my favorite movies. They're in no particular order. :)

1. "How can we expect to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?" - Zoolander

The key to fulfilled expectations is clear communication. I learned this the hard way. Again, and again, and again. And again.

2. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." - Gone with the Wind

You cannot make everyone happy. Especially in ministry. You must remember whose opinions you value the most and learn to let the others go. Just follow after God, and do your best.

3. "Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." - Casablanca

Ministry is all about relationships. Both vertical and horizontal. They bring support, healing, laughter, love, purpose... the list goes on and on.

4. "There's no place like home!" - Wizard of Oz

A Christian community can be like family. You always love them, but you don't always like them. Although my community felt ever changing at the BSU with people graduating and moving on, it was a home to me. I will always be grateful.

5. "I see dead people." - The Sixth Sense

Sometimes in ministry you shouldn't be afraid to see things that most people don't see. Breaking norms, finding and supporting new vision- these things bring new life to the Church.

6. "Houston, we have a problem." - Apollo 13

Waiting to give voice to problems = danger. Be willing to accept constructive criticism, and learn to be a quick problem solver...... definitely still working on this one.

7. "I'll have what she's having." - When Harry Met Sally

Despite how much I love this line, I'm using it in reverse. I think that it's important to find satisfaction in the things God puts in front of you. We spend so much time seeking after what other people have- success, families, marriage, houses, etc. Why not be grateful and content with what God has already given you?

8. "Nobody puts baby in a corner" - Dirty Dancing

Don't try to keep people in the corner. Allow other people the chance to shine. In ministry, the Church succeeds the most when people are given a chance to fulfill their giftings. It's how we all win. It's not about one, its about THE One.

9. "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." - The Godfather

Unlike the Godfather, learning the art of compromise can go a long way to smooth the ministry work environment. It's a team effort. If you are so set on getting your way, chances are the ministry will get the short end of the stick.

10. "You fight the fights that need fighting." - The American President

Maybe this seems contradictory following number 9. But the truth remains. Fight the fights that need fighting. Use discernment. Listen to God's direction. And do so with grace and humility.


There you have it. Some things I've learned, and some things I'm still working on. I love the process of refinement. :)

Happy Surprises...

Sunday AM. I was awakened by a phone from Dustin. We chatted about life for a few minutes, catching up on the events of the evening prior. As I do every other Sunday spent in Columbia, I then began the process of getting ready for service at Little Bonne Femme. I finished getting ready, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door. I was only a few minutes away from the church when I got another call from Dustin. It was strange to see his name come up on my caller ID again so soon, so I answered fearing bad news.

"Have you left for church yet?" he asked.
"Yes," I said, "Why do you ask?"
"You're going to want to turn around..."

And he continued to inform me that he found an email that said it was a special day at LBF. They gathered early this morning to worship, and then everyone left the church to go participate in a service project together for the rest of the morning. Sadly, I had missed it.

Now, at first, I was pretty disappointed. I've had so few opportunities to worship at LBF this summer with all my traveling, and with my move coming up, I'll only have a few more chances ahead. But the more I thought about it, the more moved I was by an example of the Church, being the Church.

This body of Christ followers had moved outside of its own walls, outside the comfort of the norm, to instead directly impact the community. Unfortunately it seems like the only news we hear these days about the Church is bad news. How refreshing, how happily surprising to see a church try something new! And how wonderful that in doing so, they show the world what it means to be true followers of Jesus!

White Picket Fences

I've been thinking a lot about the American Dream, and wondering just what that means for my life.

In American society, there is pressure to reach certain goals. You know the ones I mean...

Two story house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog. The husband heads off to work in the city, while his wife stands on the front lawn waving him goodbye, anticipating his return. And we are told that if you achieve this (particularly before the age of 30) that your life will feel fulfillment. That you will find purpose and happiness and joy and love and... and...

Now, clearly, that description was a little facetious. The American Dream of today is much more complex than that. But you get the idea. The real question though, is why does it seem so hard for people to feel fulfilled, when so many people do in fact achieve the things we include in this "American Dream".

At one time, the couple in Revolutionary Road (a film I highly recommend if you're ready to be confronted with some tough images) were young, idealistic, and dreamed of a big life together. They longed for adventure, for passion, for love. But somewhere along the way, they lost themselves in the American Dream and their lives somehow came up short- despite the fact that they'd gained everything that the world told them would bring satisfaction.

In their own right, the elements that make up the American Dream are not really the problem. Marriage, careers, children, and a place to call home are blessings. But it seems too easy to get caught up in the logistics and material goal points. To spend our days keeping up with our neighbors and the people around us. In the process of chasing "the dream" I think that we lose something special- our very ability to do so!

As I prepare to enter seminary people are always asking me, "What do you want to do with that?" Honestly, I have no idea how it's going to work out! And the reason is because I think life is lived best without making my own specific plans, and instead, allowing space for God to shape, mold, and move me into places that I never dreamed of going myself. To instead, let my dreams be a blank canvas on which God can paint!

In Him, I believe that I can find the ultimate fulfillment. A fulfillment that is dependent solely on my growing relationship with him, and the process of learning to let my dreams match His.

Left to my own devices, I would simply settle for white picket fences.

My soul, wait in silence...

"My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken."
Psalms 62:5-6

Waiting in silence.

Three little words that speak volumes about my life right now.

Its not an easy thing to do- wait in silence. When life seems chaotic, when we are searching for answers, when we need to experience the presence of God the most, oftentimes He responds in silence and asks that we wait.

Trust isn't static. Trust isn't a one time action or behavior, it is a continual process. And when God asks me to wait in silence, it's hard for me to trust. Something about silence seems to fight against my instincts. Perhaps it's the question marks that it leaves unanswered. Or perhaps its an inner discontent with the absence of distractions. Either way, the silence makes me uncomfortable and I distrust.

But when I was reading The Psalms tonight, I heard David loud and clear. Psalms 62 is a plea, an utterance for his own peace of mind. A reminder to himself that an answer IS coming, despite the fact that he was experiencing the deafening silence of waiting for the Voice to speak into his life.

"Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us."

May my soul sing, may my soul wait, may my soul remember.

Hallelujah to the God of silence.

Gran Torino: No Greater Love Than This

***A Slight Spoiler Alert***

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23

All throughout the Scripture we see evidence of Man's inclination towards destruction. Sin destroys, it divides, it consumes. It fights desperately to dampen the light that we hold inside. Our choices define us, and with each decision we either slip closer towards the light or further into the dark. But God has also created us with a sense of justice. Our hearts are aware of the dichotomy sin presents to the world and we yearn for balance. But all too often, in our quest to find reconciliation we leave a wake of destruction behind in the name of "good".

For Walt Kowalski in Gran Torino sin not only can bring death in the afterlife, but also in the present. A Korean war vet, Walt lived his life plagued by the unconscionable acts of violence he made during war. It not only crippled his ability to make connections with his own children, but isolated him from any real forms of love. He alienates everyone that reaches out to him- his sons, grandchildren, and even the priest- because he cannot forgive himself for the choices he made.

Walt's soul feels unrest. But he seeks to "right his wrongs" through flawed means. When the gangs bring their violence to Walt’s front lawn, he repeatedly responds with violence. He operates under the assumption that violence will resolve the unbalance he feels all around him. It is only after the attacks made on Walt's new friends escalate that he sees that despite his good-intentions, violence cannot bring resolution to this situation.

Walt has spent most of his life believing that a man is defined by honor and respect. In his quest to teach this lesson to the younger generation he inadvertently discovers that although respect and honor are important values, it is instead love that defines a man. And love is what his life has been missing.

John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." This example of sacrifice and redemption is also evident in the Crucifixion. It is only through the sacrifice of Jesus' life and blood that the world finds redemption and absolution for sin. It is the ultimate testament to the magnitude of God's love for mankind. In the same way, Walt seeks peace for his past mistakes by willingly sacrificing his life for those he loves.

Love takes us to great lengths. It is love that brings us healing, it is love that puts our souls at peace. Through sacrifice, Walt shows the immense capacity the human heart has for love. How breathtaking that it pales in comparison to the depth and intensity of love given to us by our God? Who loved us enough to sacrifice his only Son, to offer us reconciliation and healing for our shattered hearts.

A Christian Response to a Cinematic Culture

I've been an active participant in the cinematic culture from birth it seems. I have shelves upon shelves filled with my favorite movies- some are sorted by genre, then others by order of preference. To anyone passing by it might seem that I have an abnormal obsession, and they would probably be right. Ok, perhaps the rest of the world is slightly less obsessed than I am, but is there really anyone out there who would NOT enjoy the occasional night at the movie theater? Film is a part of the American culture and our life experience. I believe that it is absolutely imperative the Church learns to engage and respond to the conversations taking place in our culture today.

Film offers a unique glimpse into various trends and messages that are being permeated throughout society, and because of cinema's widespread appeal, it also ensures that a fairly large percentage of that society is collectively engaging in the same discussion. Sometimes, a film might be making a particular statement, or expressing one point of view. Other times, a film might be raising or asking the tough questions.

But engaging film from a Christian perspective is not simply about condoning or condemning the behavior, worldview, or opinion that is expressed on screen. Instead, it is about analyzing the messages and ideologies present in the film, and isolating the need that particular worldview is fulfilling. Why does this message resonate with culture? What question is this film asking? What collective needs are being met? What does scripture say on this topic? And how does the Church need to respond in light of this question or message to provide people the answers for which they're searching?

People are asking the big questions and they're searching for the answers. And whether we like it or not, our culture IS generating a response. Learning to decipher these messages would better prepare the Church to meet people's current needs. But first, the Church must decide to effectively participate in these dialogues and learn to truly give voice to the answers and message of the Gospel.

Entering the Blogosphere

I decided that I need a blog.

So much is changing right now!

I'll be back to visit with you all soon, until then, look forward to hearing from me again!